Mike (txlthrson) wrote,

Hard to Say Goodbye

especially when you are 1300 miles away.

This morning at around 1am, my sister called to tell me that my grandmother had another stroke. Grandma has had quite a few strokes over the past 20 years, but each time she has managed to pull through. There have been times when we didnt think she would, but she always surprised us.
The stroke last night was very severe and its looking like she won't be able to make it through this one. My father called me at 5am this morning to tell me that the doctors told them that she is now bleeding into her brain and that there really isnt anything that they can do for her, but make her comfortable. They did tell my grandfather that they could insert a feeding tube and also tubes to help her breathe, but he was against that. This is actually one of the first times that I have agreed with something that my grandfather did. The doctor said that he doesnt expect her to live out the weekend.
My father said that my sisters and their families are stopping by the hospital this morning to say their goodbyes. Since I am currently 1300 miles away, that isnt an option for me. For the first time since I moved to Texas, I am actually regretting being that far away from my family. I did the best I could though. I asked my father to put his cell phone up against my grandmother's ear and I said what I needed to say to her. I wish I could be there to put my arms around her one last time or even to hold her hand, but I can't.
I asked my father if I should try to come home today. He said that since I only get a few days off of work for bereavement that I should wait until she passes so that I can be sure to be home for the funeral.

Needlesstosay, I dont feel like working today, but I need to do something to keep my mind off of things. I just hate sitting around and waiting for the inevitable.

As I'm writing this, my father called to give me an update. He said that there hasnt been any change, but that she is somewhat stable. He said she is being her stubborn self and fighting to stay alive. I asked if he thought that she might pull through this one and he said he really didnt think so. She is a fighter though and I'm sure she'll fight until her last breath is gone.

I love you Grandma! You've had a wonderful life and you've brought so much love and joy to everyone you've come in contact with. Its time to go home. I lit a few candles today to help you find your way.
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